Sunday, July 12, 2015

I Got My Hindsight Checked...It Was 20/20: Part Two

I should really have learned by now NOT to put in writing when I will be posting my next blog. If you read Part One, you know that this was supposed to be posted "tomorrow". Well, as you can see, "tomorrow" turned into six months later. 
I'm also learning that blogging regularly is not my strong suit...

Six months. 
So many things can happen in six months. 
I'm beginning to wonder if God planned for me to be a huge blogging procrastinator so that I'd have more time and experiences to reflect on and help shed light on a situation. 
I suppose I'll ask him someday.

I do think he planned for me to write this today. My life has been...a bit chaotic in the last two months, which I'll get to later, (Don't worry, it's a good chaotic!) and my quiet times have fallen by the way side. In all honesty, it's been months since I sat down with God and just had time with Him. For the last few days I kept feeling the nudge and finally today I answered. I woke up early, grabbed my Bible and Jesus Calling, made some coffee and took up residence in my "happy place". I opened up Jesus Calling to today's date and stopped short. 

At the top of the page I had written "D&C 2013".


It was like someone smacked me.
Oh my gosh, is that today?!
How did I miss that??
Did I really forget that two years ago today, I lost my baby?

Of course, I didn't forget. You can never forget something like that. But in the chaos, I didn't realize that these were the days two years ago that I found out my baby was gone. 
What kind of chaos would cause you to forget that, you ask?

This kind. :)


It is my great pleasure to introduce you to Bennett John Moring. 
He was born on May18, 2015 and, despite some hiccups, was perfect in every way.

So, as you can see, the last 8 weeks have been a good chaotic. An amazing chaotic. The best chaotic I could ever ask for. But in the chaos...I did forget what day it was.

I find it NO coincidence that God was telling me to come to him the last few days. And it is NO coincidence that today is the day I finally obeyed. He didn't want me to miss it. I also had decided to begin a Bible study by Angela Thomas called Stronger:Finding Hope In Fragile Places.


 I had started it in May of 2014 but never finished, and a visit with a friend yesterday reminded me of it so I decided to re-start it. 
It's all about God's awesome strength and learning to live in that strength. Again, it's NO coincidence that as I re-read Day One in the study, I was able to look back at the last two years and see how God's strength was what got me through it all. 
How can you NOT believe in God??

I left off last time at January of 2014, hoping for a better year. 
In February came the next marriage hurdle. It was our anniversary weekend and we were attending the Love and Respect Conference. Basically, through us learning and conversing with each other we found out we had more hard things to face and work through. It was a huge reality check for me. And we had just worked through the issue from October. Oy. But thankfully we were both committed to making our marriage work and we were able to heal and move on, despite not living together because of my husband's job. 

Once again, just when things were looking up, tragedy struck again. In April we found out that my husband's brother was having an affair. Devastating doesn't even begin to cover it. It tore our family apart. My sister-in-law had become my best friend and watching her go through all the pain and loss was so hard. And trying to understand what was going on with his brother was very hard and confusing. It was many, many months of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, not talking...it put pressure on other relationships in the family as well. Ultimately, he decided to stay with the other woman and they ended up getting divorced, which was so sad to watch. We kept praying they could reconcile, but it wasn't meant to be. All of our lives have been changed forever because of this and while it's been hard to accept, my husband and I had to make hard choices that were to the benefit of our little family unit. We still love both parties as family, but our priority has to be our marriage and children. If you want to read about my SIL's journey through divorce and being a single mom, check out her blog - Mommy Diaries.

I can definitely say that watching all of that happen over the last year has strengthened our marriage ten-fold. Now when he leaves his dirty socks on the floor or doesn't pick up after himself, I still get annoyed, but I'm not as quick to pick a fight over it. He is a hard working, loving man that does everything he can for me and his children...and that makes me fall in love with him over and over again.

At Hubby's surprise 30th birthday party!

And now, the story begins to look up.
(And all the people said AMEN!)

In August of 2014, my hubby found a job that is 10 minutes from our house. It was a stretch financially, but our one prayer had been for God to put our family back together and this job would accomplish that. So we accepted and just trusted God with the finances. Hubby moved back home and has thrived at his new job! 

Amazingly, in August I also got pregnant. 
Funny how that happens when you LIVE with your husband....

I'm not going to lie, it was pretty stressful until I hit about 20 weeks. I was always anxious at doctor appointments or with any little pain that came along. The morning sickness was pretty bad, too. But once we hit 20 weeks, we were pretty confident everything would be okay and we announced it to the world. 

Photo and Card by Heather @ Moreygirl.com

Fast forward to May of this year and this little guy showed up!


That was another trying experience...but I'll share that another day.

 I've learned a lot over the last couple years. You always say that family is the most important thing, but after going through major life trials like a miscarriage, family separation, marriage troubles, and a hurtful divorce in the family, it truly makes you rethink your priorities.

I know for a fact that I could not have gotten through it without Jesus Christ. I dove into my Bible and soaked up everything I could. I made devotions a priority because I needed them to be able to face the day. I wrote down every verse that I thought would help me and then I worked on memorizing them. When I would start to feel anxious or angry or depressed (and I don't use that word lightly) I would recite a verse over and over in my head:

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  Romans 12:12  

 One time, I started having an anxiety attack over something that had happened. I grabbed my journal and fell to my knees right there and just started reading out loud every verse I had written down. Over and over until I felt like I could breath again. I cried it out, said a prayer asking God to help me, dried my tears, got up and went back to my day.

I couldn't have gotten through it without God. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. God has a purpose for everything...good or bad. Sometimes we get to find out that reason and sometimes we don't. But no matter what He is in control. 

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song."  Psalm 28:7

We all have trials. We all have pain. But we don't have to suffer alone.

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13 (this is one of my favorites)

He hears your cries just like he hears mine. And I use present tense because I'm not out of the woods. There is a saying that if you aren't in a storm, you are either coming out of one or going into one. Right now I'm coming out...but I know there will be more down the road. Of course I would never choose to have the bad experiences I've had, but I do choose to learn from them. I have been repeatedly assured that no matter what comes my way, I can count on my Savior to help me through it. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."  James 1:2-3

My world. <3

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