Thursday, October 2, 2014

Flying Solo

Have you ever let your fear of something control you? No matter how small?
For example, I have always wanted to get a pixie haircut. They always look so cute on everyone I see. But I have yet to do it because I'm afraid I'm the one it will look terrible on.
Obviously, that is a very small fear. And not a big deal. As humans, it's our nature to doubt, question, and be afraid of things that are unknown because that's what a sinful world looks like. But as a Christian, we have a rock that we can stand on and break those fears down. Whether as small as getting a haircut or as big as moving your family across the country, Jesus is and always will be our strength. Says so right here:

 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7

Today the fear that is messing with me is that in two days I'm trying something for the first time alone. And all I can do is think about all the things that could go wrong.

2 days and counting. 

I have 2 more days until I fly solo for the first time at a vendor fair.

Last year, I shared my experience with being a vendor at my first vendor fair in Just a Girl and a Card Table, merely months after learning how to crochet in the first place.

It really was a great experience that was largely due to the amazing people that helped me out in many ways. 

This summer, I was having fun making all kinds of new things: blankets, baby items, coffee cozies. You would be amazed at the things you can make by crocheting. Seriously.

All the fun baby things I made this summer. So...much....cuteness....
I knew that Spoon River Drive was coming, but I was scared of doing it alone so I just pushed it out of my mind. For quite a while, I used the excuse of not wanting to spend the money on it. But in reality, I was just super nervous to do it alone. 

I would have to get my own tent (which I don't have), tables (which I don't have), displays (which I don't have) you see a pattern here? I pretty much am still the Girl with a Card Table, just different merchandise this time. 

And all the doubts came flooding in. What if no one buys anything? What if I spend the money to do it and don't make it back? What if I look like a silly little girl with a card table???

Some of my half done projects that have been laying around for a while....
Finally, push came to shove and I decided to suck it up and do it.
That was three-ish weeks ago.
Slowly, things have fallen into place. Once again, my amazing friends come to the rescue. My friend, Heather, is lending me her canopy. I'm going to borrow tables from my church. My mom and husband found some display stuff at their jobs that I can borrow. And then I went to Dollar Tree and just had to get creative. 

In the meantime, I have been crocheting my fingers to little nubs. I'm probably going to end up with arthritis or carpal tunnel...but hey, no pain no gain, right???

I had to lay everything out on my bed today, to try and collect my sanity.
For the last couple weeks, I have been very excited about this. My mom is going to come hang with me (and help with the kids) both weekends and my sister (ex-in-law....? "Sister" is all that matters) is going to come up and help out one day, too. 

But I have to admit, with it being two days away...the doubts are rearing their ugly heads. What if it downpours like last year and everything gets wet? What if the wind blows the canopy over and all the stuff off the table? What if....what if no one likes my stuff???

What if??

Thankfully, I believe in Jesus. And it's moments like these, when my brain is bring ridiculous and worrisome over trivial things, that I turn to Him.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Matthew 6:34

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

Good grief, I'm ridiculous.
After all the things that I have been through in the last year and half of my life...I'm going to spend my time worrying about the weather? And if people will like my things? 

Time to put my big girl pants on, take hold of my God's steady hand, and commit this weekend and next to Him.

All packed up and ready to go. We'll see what happens!
If it rains? Oh well. If the tent blows over? I'll just pray it doesn't break because it's not mine. And if I sit there for four days and no one buys a thing? Then so be it. I'll make different stuff next time.

God has given me a gift in the ability to crochet and the fact that I enjoy it so. It may not be a gift that is going to win over hearts for the Lord, but it's a gift nonetheless and I'm not going to let fear stop me from using it. 

So today I will take a deep breath, switch a load of laundry, and get back to work organizing the chaos that is my living room right now. I will make what I can make, and just trust that it will be good enough. And instead of concentrating on all the things that could go wrong, I'm going to focus on all the things that could go right. Like having a lot of fun! Oh, and definitely getting to eat the BBQ Pork Nachos from Hickr'y Stick. And maybe a lemonade shake-up. 

Wish me luck! I look forward to giving you an account of this year's experience!